As part of my volunteer duties I was organizing/summarizing evaluations from an Ethics class. It was a large class, more than 100 attendees, and the response was overwhelmingly positive. People liked the content, sense of humor, atmosphere, etc. There were occasional critiques, well thought-out concerns regarding terminology, the AV setup, scope of practice.
I was about half-way through the pile of evals when I came to two that were, well, covered in ink. The kind of scrawled handwriting where the ferocious anger of the writer jumps off the page. They were not positive. Each eval chronicled, in its own special attitude, the unhappiness about 1. The fact that we are required to amass a certain number of Ethics credits per year. 2. That Ethics is inherently boring and is limited to “Don’t give medical advice and don’t have sex with your clients so why do we need more classes on that?” 3. The water supplied was clearly tap water, not pure spring water. 4. The candy on the table was not sugar-free. The evals listed identical detailed complaints, including a comment about the presenter’s style of dress.
At first I thought that one person wrote out 2 evals. Light scrutiny revealed two very different handwriting styles. But these reviewers were clearly sitting together. And all of a sudden, I imagined them: At the break, they started the complaining, feeding off each other’s negative comments. A reach for a sweater intiated a “this room is too cold, why would they make it so cold in here, we’re sitting still. My back hurts from sitting here so long. Why didn’t he give us a break sooner? Can you pass the water? I better run to the bathroom, who knows if we’ll even get another break.” I can see the sour looks on their faces as the class starts up again. They now scribble notes on a pad between them every time they disagree with the presenter. “Transference/counter transference, who cares!!! We learned this in school!!!” and the next break comes: “Now it’s hot in here, can’t they keep it in between? (insert obnoxious/dramatic notebook-waving to create a breeze.) We’re out of water! This class is only 3 hours, right?”
You get the idea. These people were negative, pissy, and here’s the important part: feeding off each other. We have all seen them. We have all been them. Most likely, they were two lovely people, competent and warm massage practitioners, perhaps with a little ‘dormant cranky’ remaining from the car ride, hotel check in, annoying phone call from a kid who can’t find her soccer ball, but overall nice people. Combined, they became whiners, complainers, looking for any and every detail to bitch over, harping on the tedium of the class instead of how the knowledge could benefit their practices.
I spent a weekend with a college friend recently. He is smart and witty and incredibly sarcastic. I noticed when I came home that everything I said had a barb attached. I had to make a conscious effort to stop being so catty (aka- bitchy). It took me 3 days (and a few apologies) to snap out of it.
My point (yes, thank you for reading this far and I DO have a point) is this: Surround yourself with negative, uninspired, whiny pains-in-the ass, and you will become as such. No, not particularly original, but very, very true. Esoteric application- find cooler people to hang with, read better blogs, cultivate friendships and business relationships with people who inspire you. Life will be way more fun. Business applications- want to work with athletes? Be an athlete, run with a club, play with a local soccer team. Want to be a kick-ass tax record keeper? Buy your accountant client/friend/whatever lunch in return for organizational advice. Understand WHY she likes to be organized, how it makes her feel, and try the same strategies.
No, we cannot easily ditch that Eeyore-like best friend forever. No, we cannot afford to mingle with wealthy and beautiful people every night. Life is practical, but that need not eliminate the inspirational. We can read the books written by people we wish to emulate. Listen to music that motivates us to act, grow, change. Not sure where to start? Check out my links and resources page to see what inspires me.
One way or another, surround yourself with who and what you want to become. Or you can mope around and be like all the other mediocre folks. Your call.
(Consumed while writing this post: 1 glass of ice-coffee, 1 bowl of watermelon, 1 Cuban sandwich.)
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Allissa,
This is wonderful. I am so proud of you! I truly believe this is exactly what we need more of in our industry. You are brilliant and I can’t wait to see you again.
Brava! Yes, it matters what we’re thinking and saying, and it’s much more contagious than we think it is. An old woman flashed a radiant smile at me on the street this morning, apropos of nothing, and I can still feel it buoying me up, six hours later. It’s not enough to be kind and compassionate “when it really matters” — it always matters.
I can imagine you going through all the positive comments and then finding those two, and how it makes you feel. The same thing happens to me….I teach a class, read all the glowing evaluations and then find one or two that make me wonder if those people were in the same class as everyone else. It always causes me a little self-doubt, so next time it happens, I’ll remember this post.
Whenever I can’t avoid someone who’s chronically negative (there’s one in my immediate family) I just try to counter whatever they say with something positive. It’s fun and it really ticks them off
excellent, excellent points – I have had the same experience in the classroom and your article is another great way to understand human nature. I think something we can assume through your astute observation here is that the people who gave high marks were ALSO communicating with each other on the breaks/etc: I think experience is a choice and too many (meaning 1 or more) people, on a regular basis, choose not to have good experiences.
I love talking about ethics and ethical considerations: there are classes online where professionals do not ever have to sit through live, full sessions. I suggest those folks choose to be happy by engaging the computer screen if they think they know it all already!
This is why I quit eating lunch in the break room!