Or- social media is just another way to love.
As I write this, I am sipping a cup of coffee and eating Cool Mint Oreos. I don’t buy cookies; I’m dog sitting at a friend’s house, so this is quite a treat. Also, a little gross. Not really breakfast food. It’s 7am and I’m still tired and sore from yesterday, I’m moving into a new apartment this weekend. I’m a little scared/anxious/excited about moving, living alone, making the rent, liking the neighbors, blah blah blah, all the stuff that comes with significant life change.
Why am I telling you this? It’s rather personal, isn’t it? That’s my point. In many ways the personal is the professional. The ties that bind us, as people, are the similarities as much as the differences. There’s an excellent chance you’ve been in this scary place before. You identify, you can empathize, you feel a little closer to me on a human level. We just bonded. We probably haven’t met, may never see each other, or even communicate directly, but you know me a little more personally now. I’m comfortable enough with myself to be okay with that.
Nothing I told you is in any way unethical. Our working relationship (if you’re a colleague, or even if you are a client) would not be compromised by any of that information.
It is GENUINE. You’re getting a little bit of Real Allissa. If you’re my Facebook friend you see that fairly regularly. You have an idea of what makes me laugh, what interests me. You know my friend just had a baby and the highlight of my week is our regular lunch date. You know I like Chuck Norris jokes and Wonder Woman birthday cake. You know I LOVE food and eating out, especially with my friend and mentor Greg Hurd. You know I struggle with leadership and criticism, but I’m muddling my way through both.
And I know about my ‘friends’. I know when my client is having a tough time with her toddler. I notice when someone has been working non-stop and doesn’t post for a while. I know when my clients complete 5k’s or triathlons or have fundraisers for their kid’s school. I know when it’s finals week. I know Laura plays the guitar and Ruth quilts and Paul has trouble not responding to ‘cranks,’ and Kim is enjoying a summer off after kicking ass for a solid year in grad school, and that Dale writes about Touch way better than I ever will.
Facebook (and other social media engines, I’m just most familiar with Facebook, so that will be my example) is another way to KNOW people. My friend Lisa Curran Parenteau calls it “A virtual cocktail party.” Etiquette is important, but it’s still a party.
BUT, you have to do it right. There are true and genuine ways to connect. And there are disingenuous ways to treat it like another space for blind/boring advertising.
Consider the following examples regarding use of Facebook with colleagues
Massage Therapist A came to me through a ‘mutual friend suggestion’. She has colleagues, family, friends and clients as Facebook friends. From her posts, links, pictures I know that she is musical, travels often, cooks more often, has a kickin’ practice and is genuinely funny, loving and loveable. She has never made any comments that were sexual or raised an ethical red flag. When she posts about the politics of massage, is it respectful and fair. When she calls out ethics violations, it is with kindness and a goal to learn and improve. I can see how she interacts with me and with others, she is clearly interesting and INTERESTED in other people’s personal and professional lives. She has commented on my thoughts and pictures occasionally, and when we met in person it was as if we had known each other for years.
Massage Therapist B was a blind ‘friend request’ that I’m guessing was spurned by the number of mutual massage friends. He sells a nutritional supplement. Every one of his posts is a link to the website of this product, or information about this product. He has never interacted with me directly, not a message or a comment on my post or picture. He has never posted anything that inspired me to interact. I’ve tried that nutritional supplement and it tastes yucky, I’m not buying or selling it, ever. I’m all set, he’s hidden from my newsfeed now. I am useless to him.
Massage Therapists C is still another breed. She posts inspirational quotes all day long, sells a product that teaches other MT’s to network online, but she’s a bit rude, crass almost, and occasionally is silly in her posts, with some potential sexual innuendo. She says she is not Facebook friends with clients, but the note under her profile picture advertises her massage practice, and her content is open for all to see, not just her ‘friends’.
Who wins? Whose book will I buy, classes will I attend, etc, etc? That’s right, Massage Therapist A. She has made a connection with me. She reached out and identified with me when she commented on a note I wrote about my niece, or a photo or a joke. She turned our virtual friendship into a real one.
What do I do with Clients?
If you really and truly want your clients to know nothing about your personal life, then the ideas below are not for you. I, however, became a massage therapist because I want to interact with people/clients on a personal level. I want to provide comfort and pain relief and ease stress while running a business that reflects my personality. I want to feel at home in my office. Mostly, I feel that being personal and professional are not mutually exclusive.
Why Fan Pages aren’t the (only) answer.
Fan pages are fine. But they are essentially a commercial. You can talk at people, but you can only interact if they come to YOUR page. You can’t see what’s going on in your fans’ lives, pictures of that baby you massaged in the belly for 9 months, if they got that promotion at work, etc.
Example: I saw a client all through her fertility treatments and pregnancy. Every time she came in, she would leave and post an “I just had a wonderful massage from Allissa” status update. I would make a comment underneath, something like “Yay! It was so nice to see you, feel good!” And a bunch of her friends clicked on my name, were able to see my contact info, and bought gift certificates for her baby shower. Bonus. Can’t do that with a fan page. I never would have seen her comment if I wasn’t her ‘friend’.
How I manage privacy in Facebook
Clients’ privacy. Never, EVER, unveil them as a client first. Never post something on their wall about an appointment. It’s okay to make comments about other things, but don’t violate that confidentiality without their okay. This is not that hard. I’ve managed just fine.
Your privacy as a practitioner. You can create LISTS of friends. I have several: Family, Massage Colleagues, Clients, and one that I call All-Access Friends. Every photo you post, every status update and note, can be directed to any particular list or combination of lists. That little padlock symbol (or, depending on your privacy settings, it may look like a silhouette of 2 people) at the bottom right of your status update box? Click on that before you hit ‘share’ and you can select which list(s) will see that post. So if I want to advertise a last minute appointment, I can direct that post to my clients and exclude my family and colleagues. If I want to find people to come to a movie with me, I can make it viewable to my friends and family, but exclude clients and colleagues. You can also set privacy settings separately for each photo album and note. My clients see the photo album of my hiking trip, but not my sister’s bachelorette party (although, that’s pretty kosher, I’m just a bad dancer). Use the tools, that’s why they are there.
Further, if you check out your privacy setting options, you can set standard defaults, so if you send posts or upload photos through your mobile device or just in a hurry at your computer, it can default to your preferences. Example: when I post a status update and don’t make any particular list selections, my clients are blocked. They only see the posts I choose. My default settings are such that clients do not see photos in which I am ‘tagged’. I’m rarely caught in a photo doing anything particularly ridiculous, but just in case, they won’t see it.
Are you thinking, “But this requires so much effort!” Well, suck it up. Everything of worth and value in this world requires effort. Building relationships in any medium requires thought and time. When you send a postcard, you have to proof it 10 times and decide to whom it will be sent. When you send an email newsletter, the same thing applies.
A colleague mentioned how much she ‘likes to party’ and wouldn’t want clients or colleagues to see pictures of that. Who are you, Paris Hilton? I got news for ya, if you’re ‘partying’ that often and that hard within 50 miles of your business AND there are photos being taken, eventually, they will get out, Facebook or otherwise. A client will see you. It will affect your credibility. And if you’re working in this field, perhaps you want to consider a lifestyle more conducive to health and good judgment. Yes, I get out and have fun. I’ve also managed to get through my early adulthood without any Girls Gone Wild behavior on record.
If you want to grow your business, there is a great tool in front of you. Use it. Or stop complaining about your empty appointment book.
Next week: more about being genuine, personal and staying professional all the while. Can it be done?
(Consumed while writing this post: Well, it took place over 3 days. There were the Oreos, some pizza, and when I proofread in a few minutes, an ice tea.)
Possibly Related Posts:
- Massage and social media: when only “just right” will do
- How to shut off the faucet
- Communication for Millenials. And everyone else, too.
- Office Space, a renter’s checklist
- Reaching my full clientele, in a nutshell.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Another AWESOME post! I couldn’t agree more. Great job lady!
Great Alissa (like Great Britain but greater). And I’m thrilled that I fulfil one tick to be on your Therapist A list. I am amazed I got there considering the fact that I was using FB like blunderbuss wielded by a Tourette’s-impersonating drunkard. You admonished me and now I am more careful. I think I probably got admitted so I would pipe down a tad. But thank you anyhow.
Not only effort to use this tool well, but understanding all the links and possibilities. Respect to anyone who takes the time to use anything well. Anything can be used well.
Looking forward to the authenticity discussions.
Laters.
You are obviously someone who knows how to use the tools & settings on FB and knows how to compartmentalize your posts. I like your solution and how you handle it. And from someone who teaches an ethics class titled “Boundaries in the age of Facebook”, that should tell you something.
My real concern is that most of the MT’s out there aren’t as well versed in FB settings and of course, the minions at FB are constantly jacking up the privacy settings, so there is real concern that you may be the only person who can do this. I still recommend a fan page, especially for the non-techies and the Gen-Y’s. The non-techies just need an easy to use solution and the Gen-Y kids don’t believe in privacy. After all, they’ve grown up with MySpace and FB.
The real issue isn’t necessarily privacy, but boundaries. And not particularly OUR boundaries, but our client’s. I teach ethics CE’s and I hear some eye-popping stories of how clients have practically stalked MT’s, how the MT’s personal life becomes a major part of the session, and generally how dysfunctional this can become in a hurry. Maintaining those boundaries falls to the trained professional (us), not the client and having a separate fan page can go a long way to making this happen.
It’s a delicate balance and you’ve obviously found a workable solution. Now if I could get the other MT’s to quit posting client names and session details on their FB pages, I could die happy.
By the way, what kind of pizza?
Frozen pizza, plain cheese. Boring.
And you’re absolutely right, if someone is a total non-techie, or just wants the lowest maintenance option, a fan page is great. BUT, if I can do it, most people can. I started with limited computer skills and have taught myself. I have no patience for people who refuse to learn and adapt to the computer revolution. Well, I have patience for the ‘stepping away from technology’ concept, but concurrently bitching about an empty appointment book while refusing to access FREE tools is simply asinine.
Boundaries are an issue everywhere. The people who struggle with that on Facebook are struggling with that in the office, grocery store, etc. Yes, it’s another venue in which to screw up. I have certainly done so. Sigh. I blame me, not the technology.
Conquering idiot MT’s on Facebook would give you no relief. We would just find more idiots elsewhere.
Thanks for posting this Allissa—next week I’m doing my “Angie” vacation and I will read again and try to put some of your facebook tips to good use!
Proud to know you, girl! Great post!
Thanks so much Allissa for reminding people that being professional doesn’t mean being impersonal. A voice of reason exists!
There are so many people in the industry who have swung to the extreme on this one. If we were to follow their advice and keep the distance they think is necessary to be “professional”, our massage treatments would soon consist of poking our clients with a stick from behind a curtain.
Being male of course gives you a huge advantage in the boundaries game — so does being in your 50s. But one thing I always do is assume that people are beginning as they mean to go on. Someone who *begins* by pushing boundaries is going to go on doing it. I drop such people immediately, even if the “violation” is minor — an overfamiliar tone, any kind of name-calling of anyone, most kinds of sexual innuendo — they’re out. No conversation, no appeal.
I don’t have trouble with inappropriate clients, although I do in-home massage, and I think it’s because I do the same thing with first contacts, by email and by phone: if I don’t feel entirely good about the interaction, it stops right there. I’m sure I’ve lost a few good clients that way, but — too bad. You want special draping, inner thigh work, particular attention to the glutes, right off the bat, you go to someone else. (I’m perfectly willing to do all those things, but if it’s the first thing you’re asking about, you’re not going to be my client.)
So when is your book coming out? I think you should teach this stuff, Heck I’d pay big just to read what you write. I always laugh and I always learn something new from you. as Dale F would say, hugs you
Thank you for this personable and informative post. I very much appreciate and am inspired by your blue streak! Cheers, Gudrun!
Great post Allissa!
This is my first look at your blog, but have enjoyed your FB posts. I’ve been new to FB & social media and came to it through work (a mutual friend recommended that I follow you because you’re fun and smart, so I requested and you accepted). I was initially resistant to social media, but when I analyzed why, it was because I was afraid to share too much about myself. It made me feel vulnerable, and a part of me has been used to hiding a little to protect myself. But in truth, my hiding has been a way to hold me back. Using Facebook, I realized that sharing can often be, as your title says, another way to love. Love others, and even myself. Beautifully shared, Allissa. I’m glad I know you, if only virtually. Thanks to Laura Allen for the post that got me here.
Welcome to the party, Benjamin. It’s our pleasure to have you here.
Thank you for the great read.
I’m so glad you found it useful!
only now reading this post- have to say it is really well-done and explains the importance of relationship-building. Kelli Wise is correct though- I think for some people it is overwhelming to try to keep the lists organized and remembering to identify the list you want it to go to before you hit “post”… every thing takes practice.
Keep it up, I’ll be sure to refer my small-biz clients to read this too!
Kelli Wise is correct in that she is doing what works for her. That’s what I love about these tools, they are flexible!
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